Giant SHRUG of inadequacy.
I don't even know what to do about it. But why haven't I tried something? It's been a while
- have I gotten lazy? There is too much to keep track of- grades, starvation, time, refugees, work, hunger, jobsearch, genocide, starbucks, medicins sans frontiers, parties.
I know that this is wholly inadequate to what needs to be done. Don't think i am congradulating myself on becoming politically active and "making a difference" because i have thrown up a couple of rants lately on social injustice. I don't kid myself. This is a weak excuse for not getting my act together. But because i don't even know where to start, i am humbly asking you my friends, to at least think on this at some point. The more we talk, the closer someone moves to actually doing something. Maybe it will be me. keep me accountable.
Welcome home Geographer Andrea!!
In light of having recently kicked the ass of the geog 102 exam, I am now more than delighted to engage in discussion of climate change, paleoclimatology, geomorphology and all those other 'ologies' which have hitherto been the bane of my existence.
regard and pense on this: al gore is making a movie about climate change
. I am not sure what to think about that. but you can bet i will at least check it out and for all its glorious cheesy bold headlines and doomsday predictions, sigh, it is probably right about a few things.
However, one caveat: why the heck do documentaries- which might honestly add some intelligence to our society about issues that-oh maybe, just maybe, we should pay attention to- why do they have to employ the cheese-tactics of bold print, "loud stamp" sound effects and headlines with such pithy afforisims as "if you love your planet... if you love your children... watch this film." nope, not gonna cut it. we are saavy consumers these days, we know what you're up to- wink wink. sure, we love our children (except i don't have any)- really, just give us the fireball explosions. the point of the story is- hey those tactics didnt work for us christian doomsday-sayers- minus Jonah, and he didnt even WANT Ninevah to listen to him! Don't bother. We sure have learned our lesson: You have to package it up with Paris Hilton- because she is an authority on life- and then society will sit up and take notice... WTF.And another thing
: what is it with thinking that we christians just want to get a hold of the oil and rape and pillage the earth for all she's worth. thats garbage. and as environmentally sound and responsible as i wish to be- i dont plan on recycling that kinda junk. Good grief.
well andg, here is a rant just for you on the occasion of your homecoming. Welcome back to the western world. i am pretty sure it will still be around for at least enough time for us to enjoy las margs!
A study break session
A few thoughts that have wandered into my head in the open void of studying in the sun:
a) the annual show-n-shine was on in Tsaw. today. "motorcycle enthusiasts"-
that's fantastic, ironic, wonderful. i bet they call themselves that too.
b)grande easy ice black tea lemonade is the taste of summer and sunscreen on grass is its smell. I like it, i like it a lot.
the end is in sight.
My motto always is: "Coffee! Because you can sleep when you're dead!"
(well that and "set your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed")
So last night was quite possibly the last time i will ever do that. I wrote my last term paper ever. I stayed up til two am doing it. The funny thing is, it was almost fun! i sat there on the computer, typing more on msn than on Cortazar's short stories, ate pizza at midnight and played some good tunes... ahh, i relished the moment, knowing it would NEVER come again! good riddence.
i missed my Grandma today.
The Enduring Problem...
In the last little while I have really been challenged about how I live my life. I am making a switch, which at this point dear friends, you have either heard entirely too much about or none at all and the point is really neither here nor there. I have been thinking a lot about how my life needs to reflect what I want to do, am called to do, even when I am not yet able to do it. By this I mean my vocation. I sit in my development classes and become passionate about holistic development. I see that fair trade and microfinance works- that it is possible to change lives and give people something to live on, moreover, it gives the a "hope and a future." But it doesn't work if we don't do anything about it. So I got on this fair trade kick.
The problem is (in the words of Clint Curle paraphrasing Derrida): "You have to choose, but you can't choose. You can't but you must but you can't but you must...." The whole deal of unjustly traded, fabricated and manufactured goods saturates our culture, our lives, our everyday. You don't have the money to buy fair-trade organic cotton clothing, but you must not to condone the sweatshops in China. You can't ignore the poor, but you must be clothed.
what do you do?
Its Good Friday.
Bloodied; brutally beaten; spat upon; mocked; insulted; laughed at; tortured; left to die; executed like a common criminal- the perfect one, the Holy one. The absolute injustice of it being him who takes this- the abysmal wretchedness of it makes me cringe.
"The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers. They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. And they began to call out to him, 'Hail, King of the Jews!' Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him... It was the third hour when they crucified him... In the same way the chief priests and the teachers of the law mocked him among themselves. 'He saved others,' they said. 'But he can't save himself! Let this Christ, this King of Israel come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe' Those crucified with him also heaped insults on him.
At the sixth hour darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, 'Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani?'- which means, 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?'...
With a loud cry Jesus breathed his last.
The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom."
-Mark 15:16-20, 25, 31-34, 37-38
There just isn't enough to express the inadequacy, the unworthiness, the insufficient feelings. I should be overwhelmed; to the point where I throw myself to the ground, face down, howling at the searing lack of recognition for what this day marks and who he is. This is what I wanted to do earlier today- I still want to do it. But of course I don't, we have decorum. But I am starting to wonder- maybe... have we reached that point where no one would mind?
"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love,
according to your great compassion blot out my transgression
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts, you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore me to the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me..."
I am in awe of this: that in the middle of his death this occurs:
"One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: 'Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!'
But the other criminal rebuked him. 'Don't you fear God,' he said, 'since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.'
Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.'
Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.'"
- Luke 23:39-43
wow, I can't even imagine what it would be to be that criminal. Thank God he recognised he was being slaughtered next to the greatest one, the one who really was who he said he was, who would save him, and who would return. This guy gets it. In the midst of his depravity and guilt, he asks and receives freedom.
Ahem, there has been some objection to my recent assertions of excessive procrastination. Thus, i give you exhibit a: the fact that i am now posting again- even though i still have a paper and 289 chapters to read in the OT before next tuesday. Exhibit b: this photo is a bit more of the evidence of my recent procrastination. I have been fiddling, muddling and tweeking photos... if you only saw the original...
also, i was gripped with a sudden urge to go to the gym last night at 11:36pm. The gym closes at midnight. I definitely got a look from the gym monkey who was one of the three people in there last night when i barrelled in at 11:41pm. IT was a look that said :"uhhg. you are SO pathetic. there is
that you will ever have time to clear out the lactic acid, warm up, do dynamic stretching and get a decent circut training in."
well, i will leave you with a few more photos above to contemplate til i return- which, considering that i am going to the library to study, should not be too long from now- focusing on something we call Semana Santa.
After my weekly quota of subversive documentaries...
I decide to take action....Stick it to the man!
This was just a test- don't pay attention to it. But hey! look my profile now has a picture!!
A rose by any other name...
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street/neighbourhood name)?
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)
Gull McBlue (i added the Mc... it sounds better doesn't it?)
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Teg son abe
7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automoblie you drive)
the blue 4runner! * (i added the exclamation mark, becuase people would only say my name with an exclamation and point to the sky)