Excerpts from the Peanut Gallery
Friday, July 29, 2005
Saturday, July 23, 2005
meditation on mountainsIts no secret that i am in love with mountains, and especially those right here in BC. I will always be in awe of and in love with the mountains that ring Vancouver. But really come to think of it, i love any mountain. I remember how homesick for the snowcapped northshores i was when i first moved to Guatemala, and then slowly even the dry volcanoes that rose up in front of me, behind me and all around me there, started to become some of the most beautiful forms, especially when they glowed with red burning lava in the darkness lighting off their own firework display into the night sky. There is something about having them right there that is so comforting in that it constantly reminds me that there is something bigger than me in this world. I am not afraid of their heights, they give me a thrill, whereas other minor and manmade heights freak me out. But mountains are different heights, they are graceful, they are secure and they are bigger than i will ever be. Its like God, its like the ultimate plan in life, and its like how everything should be, its not all about me and i am not the biggest form around here.
This evening i experienced an unpleasant jolt. Sometimes, you think you are ok, then life throws you curves and you get all wrapped up in yourself again. After, I started writing to a very dear friend who always makes me laugh so that i could think on something else and i started telling them about my day yesterday:
"...I hiked the grouse bloody grind yesterday- mind you, that is NO hike. As Rachel, my hiking buddy would say, "it is a glorified stairmaster outside." and by the way if anyone ever tells you that they like to jog up it and can usually manage it in 40 minutes, THEY LIE! it was pain, it was hell, but i was so proud of myself at the end. I had kinda psyched myself out when we hit the 1/4mark and there was a giant sign (which i sat and rested under for quite sometime contemplating whether to move up or down the mountain) which stated that the rest of the hike was extremely steep and got worse and to proceed with your own risk and many people, even relatively fit ones have died of heart failure on this trek and so on and so forth, but lo, i pressed on, not even sure of myself and eventually i became confident that i was past the point of no return and there was no option to fail, that didnt exist, there was only the obvious path ahead of me, and as sure as it was there, i would finish every last step..."
Earlier this week i saw a card in a shop. It had a quote from someone famous, i dont remember who, which asked "what would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn't fail?" Do you want to know what i thought of? Immediately I thought i would climb this amazing mountain, not just hike it, although that would be a huge part, but rock climb up these intense, impossible, imposing, immense cliffs and stand at the top. That is what i would attempt if i knew there was no possibility that i would fall or loose a grip or sweat too much from adrenelin and fear that i couldnt get a handhold.
Hiking grouse was a small piece of that mountain, because i honestly thought for a minute, "what if i can't do this?" which would have been terribly embarrassing seeing as a Rach and I have been attempting to become regular hikers (with moderate success i would add) this summer and that i am pretty fit and that everyone else seems to have gone through it and i am one of the few vancouverites who hasn't done the grind. So i didnt stop there, and i am glad.
so how does this fit in with tonight's unpleasant issue that arose? hm, i am not sure, but i know there is a link that God is drawing up. I can't complain with where i am at right now, i am not in the deepest part of the valley, i guess i am just halfway up the mountain and momentarily lost my footing and now i am on sure ground, but my heart is still pounding. You know that feeling you get after someone sneaks up on you, or almost get sideswiped by another car or something? a near miss? you are most definately safe, but you still aren't quite sure.
i didnt mean to go all sentimental on you, but if this week is getting rough, think of it like the grind, and put one foot in front of the other, we know, without a doubt that you wont fail this summer, success is the only option, so enjoy the view from the top.