Excerpts from the Peanut Gallery

A dissertation on the market myopia of academic institutional production

"Why don't you just go get a job? I mean its not that hard, you figure out who is hiring and hand in a resume. I don't do any of that stupid stuff like go drop off a resume at someone with no openings, and then hope they give me a job. Man, its not that hard. I don't understand why all my buddies with their university degrees are still living off kraft dinner!"

These were the words I was greeted by early saturday morning. Too early. Before my coffee had been poured and after less than five hours of sleep. At that hour of the morning, it took all of my physical weakness to restrain the rage that was burning inside of me.

YOU DON'T THINK I AM TRYING?! First off all, your colleagues are most likely still eating kraft dinner not because its all they can afford but because they like it. Does no one remember the song "if i had a million dollars" by the Bare Naked Ladies? Hello! "If i had a million dollars, we wouldn't have to eat kraft dinner- but we would eat kraft dinner- oh of course, we'd just eat more!" I rest my case on that account.

Number two: you know sometimes there are road blocks. Like the time you rearrange your appointments for a given thursday and then get a call saying that the interview you were gearing up for with all your midmorning mental agility, must be postponed. I don't get it, i don't understand what is going on, i prayed about it- is this supposed to mean something Lord?

But thats the other reason i haven't just "gone out and gotten a job" (although starbucks has promised to contact me later this week). I want to do work that will be an honest and worthy offering. However, that line of work is difficult to sustain. One out of three jobs are willing to pay you.

It really comes down to one fact: I am an Arts graduate. While the Arts are perhaps the loftiest of all pursuits (after all Socrates did say that Philosophy was the king of all sciences- now how would I know interesting facts like that if I hadn't pursued them?), they are not as specific as having your heavy-duty mechanic training from BCIT. Or your plumbing certificate. Or secretarial training certificate from Sprott-Shaw Community College. My friends from BCIT and Sprott- Shaw can now turn open any newspaper and read under the "heavy-duty mechanics, plumbers and secretaries wanted" columns. But news flash! there is no column for "human and social science musers." I am not trying to say anything against community colleges, mechanics, plumbers or secretaries. They are all wonderful and intelligent and excellent pursuits. However, the point i am making is that they are a bit more specific, employment-wise, than having a degree in International Studies. People often ask me about IS. It usually goes something like this: Non-Trinity person: "so what exactly does that entail?" me: "we study international things." N-T-P: "oooh." blank stare. "so what do you do with that?" me: "lots of things- this is canada we are talking about! aren't we multicultural! I should be able to get a job ANYWHERE! we are a garden salad for crying out loud! not a melting pot! I thought it was important to know international stuff! we are the nation that invented peace keeping! Quelle chose plus voulez vous?! Did Pierre lie to us?!?!"

Thats it! Those blasted liberals.

Well, now its clear. Either Canada isn't the multicultural and international community-building nation it proposed itself to be -OR- I should be able to get a job. Egads! But we produced Marshall McLuhan! The man coined the phrase "the global village." As if the world weren't shattered around me enough.

Do you all see now? You see what i am up against? I can tell you what Plato and McLuhan said, but i can't tell you why your car is making that strange noise nor how to fix it. I can tell you that Pierre Trudeau was the one who told us all that we were multicultural and to embrace that! I can tell you about the larger societal changes that came about because of that! I can tell you about canadian identity and its role in international global governance! I can even make it sound good by using words like 'myopic' or 'malaise' or calling someone a 'base rhetorician!' But not til now could i tell you about the trickle-down effects on a disillusioned college grad.

Now don't get me wrong. I loved every moment of University. Even the rotten nights where i wanted to poke out my eyeballs because it was 4 am and i was still working on my term paper. Because even on those nights there was burn-you-face-off pizza or those amazing subs that must have been spiked with some sort of legal addictive stimulant from the lower caf to get me through. And to give the ol' academia the benefit of the doubt, its not as if it didn't warn me. "Remember those marketable skills we learned about in ECON 202 and COMM 390 kiddo?" its saying to me. "Yes, i remember.... hmmm i also remember throwing erasers at Carson and James in that class...hahah that was a good class." But i digress...

Ok, so moral of the story here kids (I am approaching the seven page mark and after that Dr. Finkelhaus rips off any extra pages and doesn't read them, so I am abruptly wrapping up in order to keep it within the wordcount). Go to school, stay in school and then moonlight at a community college so you are employable. Or else Starbucks til the NGOs, INGOs, LDCs, SA's and Run DMCs of the world want to hire you. And it always helps to have a good vocabulary (acronyms included- most people don't know what they stand for and they will be so impressed that they won't ask questions).

In my mother's oft-used phrase: "ah the benefits of a classical education."

posted by Kiki @ 12:13 p.m.