Correspondence
Dear Men of Managua,This shall hereby serve as notice for you (oh, you lucky ducks, you) that Moustache March is only a few short days away, so you will be granted a period of grace. However, please be aware that after said period is over, we will all return to marvelling at this ridiculous and persistent phenomenon you all seem so intent on pursuing and preserving.
The question needs to be begged- almost daily: WHY, Macho men, WHY??
Love Kiki
Dear Monday,
Yeah? well you've got fat thighs.
Kiki
Dear Joyofbaking.com,
Your carrot muffin recipe needs some reworking, specifically: less oil and more baking soda.
Warm Regards,
Kiki
Dear Coca-cola,
I truly believe that if you make more effort at marketing Fresca to the North American retail community it will pay off. You've really got something there.
Best Wishes,
Kiki
Dear Kiki,
This shall hereby serve as your notice that you were put on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now you are so far behind that you will never die. This, admittedly, has its benefits. However, in view of practicability and necessity regarding tasks and the fact that people they concern may very well not enjoy a similar fate: some better life choices regarding your time management are advised. We find it admirable that you figured out how to use the google calender attached to your gmail account. However, this will truly only be fruitful if you spend more time working on the items you enter into the agenda rather than entering detailed accounts of what needs to be done. Its just a suggestion, but we, the management think it will really open up this issue for you.
Also, on days such as this, while your hair may now be substantially better, compared to its previous state at 7am, spending 45 minutes on it is not entirely advisable under the circumstances of a) oversleeping and b) unfinished projects with morning deadlines. We realise you are not so shallow that this happens often, but we would just like to keep on track with you so as to synchronize future hair endeavours with optimal scheduling contexts.
That said, we understand that we all have our coping methods and slip-ups. We will not be penalizing you for the hair issue, and moreover, we FIRMLY stand behind your decision to buy that orange shirt this weekend. That looked fabulous. We know, "Orange?" we said. We were surprised too.
Take care,
The management.
Dear Self,
The Oscars aren't really worth your time. I think we've come to that. You can never seem to stay awake until they announce the big awards anyways and the speeches aren't exactly elegant elocutions that will either go down in history or at least be useful as some sort of quote in later writing endeavours. In fact, for a group of people who are supposed to be used to the limelight, they were a pretty jittery bunch last night, but I digress. And you hadn't heard of the majority of the movies nominated anyways. I'm strangely pleased with that. Let this suffice be a reminder for next year.
Me
Dear Readers (Aka Susan and Mom),
I would like to take this moment to thank you so, soooo much (gulp, deep wheezing breath) for your faithful readership and MORE THAN ANYTHING your commentating (sob) on my blog (waves flattened out right hand up and down in a catatonic manner). Your support has... like... meant so much to me, and I wouldn't (desperate suck in of air) -oh gosh!....I wouldn't be here without you (another sob)! (pause while recomposing self, not entirely successful) I just (begins mumbling in foreign language which we can only assume to be Spanish) cielos, que maravilloso...Quiero agradecerles...You are all just- (is drowned out by musical swell and shepherded off stage by a very daper-looking Orlando Bloom while still gasping for air and pumping hand).
Love, the peanut gallery
posted by Kiki @ 11:17 a.m.
8 Comments:
i DEEPLY appreciated the personal shout-out, and the correlation to Orlando Bloom. ANY chance to be linked to him (hahaha. what a pun) is an honour. just an all around honour.
ps, i'm glad to hear you're never going to die. that is a relief.
Dear Daughter, I forgot to watch the oscars. I was being so godly, not watching tv on Sundays during Lent. I can hardly stand myself.
I stand firmly behind Susan in supporting you in your every endeavour. This latter is obviously misspelled as there is a red line under it. This is a great rant. I don't understand why only Susan and I have the good taste and good sense to send our incredibly well thought out comments. Love
Dear self,
Grow a moustache and move to Menagua in March.
dear mamma t,
i wholeheartedly agree with your confusion as to why we are so full of good taste...much more than anyone else. I think that Kiki should most definitely throw a party to celebrate us upon our return. What do you say?
love, your vancouver daughter.
Dear Susan, The question is when is she coming home? For said party or course. And said celebration of wonderful people in her life? J.T.
Dear Kiki,
This is from me.
Love,
Romalie
Dear Kiki,
Did you find the measuring tape? Do the women in the office yet know the size of your bust and your hips? While those measurements may not be so critical to them, they are oh so critical to me (as i'm concerned about your welfare...and...well... your dress size).
Love you much,
Jenn
Dear J.T.
I TOO have that SAME pressing question as to Kiki's date of arrival back on the motherland. Unfortunately, my heart is weak and can't take the constant changing nature of it all. HOWEVER, I can't wait for the party!!!! It is reason enough for Kiki to return!!! RIGHT KIKI! HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE!!!!!!
Love V.D.
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