Excerpts from the Peanut Gallery

2pts parents, 0 me

Dedicated to my parents and those powers that be, propagating "community living."

Ok, i have come to realise something and it is a bit difficult for me to say, so bear with me.
Maybe, just maybe- its possible, that there are a few things about which my parents have been right all along. wah-ho! i know, shocking discovery, but i feel that there are a few things they should know that i have come to see from their perspective.

First, Mom, you are right, i am unpleasant before 10am. But i want you to know, its not just you that does this to me- I cast those disparaging and malicious glances at EVERYONE in the morning. But seriously, one should ask, who plays modest mouse or franz ferdinand at 7:50 am??(those are rock bands mom) and does anyone else think its a honestly a good idea to walk constantly back and forth for no other reason but to unload the dishwasher while simple peasants like me are just trying to make their way over to the coffee maker? why must there be a traffic jam in an industrial kitchen ONLY at that time of the day? that one time of day when everything seems so dark and painful, yet at the same time, paradoxically, sharp and glaring, like someone is stabbing all your senses with a light more piercing than razor blades. this is just the beginning of what mornings are like for me, people. Now do you understand?

Dad. I need to tell you something. This is really hard for me, but i finally see the truth after all these years: It really IS annoying when the toilet paper roll comes under, not over. i am so sorry for all those years where i secretly changed it back on you all the time. i now see the folly of my ways.
also, what is with people who leave ONE piece of toilet paper on the roll when a perfectly full one is ALWAYS sitting on the back of the toilet? Were your arms broken when you were sitting there contemplating the lack of cleansing cloth? More pertinent, what were you doing in there, that you would thus injure yourself, becuase you certainly appeared to be in good health in all of your limbs when you entered the latrine.

the most shocking and disconcerting part of all this is, that if my parents were right on things so basic and fundamental as toilet roll placement, could they be right on all that other stuff too?

posted by Kiki @ 8:23 p.m.